Merch   Contact   Articles   Reviews
Shows   Comics   Art   Advertise   FAQ

2005-04-03 21:25:42 (link)
Jesus the Pinko Liberal
Bleeding Hearted Roman Sympathizer?

Many ignorantly believe that the gospels are the only firsthand accounts of Jesus’ life on Earth. But archeologists have discovered several testimonials of the Christ when he walked among humans. The following is a transcript from a Pharisee pundit who held court in a Canaan town square and discussed/debated the day’s events, specifically about Jesus and his new teachings:

Welcome back folks, Rabbi Rosh here to bring you the truth without spin from those crazy liberals out there. Today, we’re talking about this guy some are calling the “Messiah”. Now, now, I’d like to believe that my years in the temple would have prepared me for who the Messiah would be, a man from Jerusalem, educated by the greatest scholars and elders for decades before he comes and reveals himself to us in all of Jehovah’s splendor.

But now this crackpot from Nazareth just saunters into town and says he’s the Lord? What was the Messiah doing all of these years you might be asking? He. Was. A. Carpenter! A carpenter people! Truly God’s messenger wasn’t preparing himself for leading us chosen people by building doorframes until he was thirty? Who’s asking this question of credibility? Here’s another example of these liberals in the streets, trying to dupe Mr. And Mrs. David Q. Almspayer into believing this unwashed carpenter is the Chosen One without definitive proof. No proclamation from above even.

Now I’ve heard these stories about him turning water into wine at a Caanan wedding, but where’s the accountability? The husband and wife didn’t know him from Adam, and I’ve received first-person accounts by wedding guests that there was plenty of wine before he showed up and made this “miracle” occur. And what’s Jesus’ spin doctors saying about this? And I quote his main goon, Peter, from a discussion I had with him yesterday, “You didn’t have to be there to have faith he did it.” Well, what do you know, a liberal without sworn proof of this “miracle”.

And now I’m hearing that he’s keeping company with tax collectors (maybe he’s learning some new tricks in collecting money), not to mention a former prostitute…a prostitute! A harlot from the streets is part of his entourage? Now people, I understand the times are changing, but when was would the Messiah consort with such morally-reprehensible characters. These are actual admissions from Jesus’ camp that a Mary Magdelene is, in fact, a good “friend” of Jesus. I remember a time when moral character counted for something when you were talking about leaders of the community. I’ll tell you something folks: Abraham, Moses, David and Elijah did not keep company with prostitutes. But these liberals think they can run roughshod over how we teach the Torah or how we celebrate the Sabbath. Ask yourself, do you want someone of such immoral stock leading the chosen people? His response to his friends who lack moral values?: “Everyone deserves to be loved.” OK, OK you pinko lib. There’s might be enough love to go all around, but you know what’s more important than that? Accountability. The sinners suffer and the religious right thrive. But now, Jesus is saying the rich will get into paradise when a camel passes through the eye of the needle? Just another liberal lie saying it’s alright to sin, alright to gamble, alright to not stone a whore. I guess we can do no wrong in this guy’s eyes, huh?

But it’s not just this guy. His family is in on the racket too. Now his mother is claiming she hadn’t slept with another man when her son was conceived. And that, “…an angel named Gabriel came to me and told me I was with child.” Now I don’t doubt someone named Gabriel was involved with Jesus’ conception, but does his mom seriously think she can sidestep nature to feed her pack of liberal lies?

I don’t know about you people, but I’m a tad skeptical of this Jesus guy. His mom was a virgin when she gave birth, he preaches love to all, including sinners that he cavorts with and has the audacity now to say that he’s going to rise from the grave after he dies? Now I’ve heard of some liberal crackpots in my time, but this Jesus guy takes the cake. You know, let him die. I hope he dies. So his liberal followers can all stand outside his tomb and just wait…and wait…and wait. Until they realize he ain’t coming back. Maybe that will knock some sense into these liberals.

by Mike Jones


More blog entries...

What's Going On
Just wanted to update you on a few things to expect soon from . dot C.O.M. 1) We're...
X-Men 3: The Last Stand
The first two X-Men movies were remarkably balanced. They offered great action thrills, but did it alongside...